3. Never belittle or trivialize his work.

4. Ask questions about his job. Learn what he does.

5. Determine what your husband does well and provide opportunities for him to perform and succeed. Ask him if he would: glue a chair leg, move furniture, change a doorknob, plan a trip, etc.

6. Say thank you often.

7. Watch your interactions with other men and avoid situations that could be misinterpreted.

8. Ask his advice and then take it. If you’re not willing to do that, it’s better not to ask in the first place.

9. Ask for his help.

10. Build him up in front of your kids.

11. Never correct him in public.

12. Dream with him, even if you think his dreams are far-fetched. That’s what makes them dreams.

13. Touch him often, especially when you’re listening to him talk.

14. Be loyal.

15. Enjoy sex.

16. Pray and ask God for creative ways to affirm your husband’s unique maleness. Then go and do it.

Friend, if your husband is going through a time of midlife darkness, know that even in this, even when it looks bleakest, God is still able to give you everything you need to get through this trial and to equip you to be a minister of his grace to your spouse. This is the time to know the best thing – perhaps the only thing – you can do is crawl up on the Father’s lap and let him hold you as you cry tears of confusion and helplessness for your beloved.

Stay close to the Lord, read up on the subject, get counseling for yourself, and pray like crazy for that man of yours as you give him time and space to work things through. By now you know that a wise woman knows that it’s God and God alone who does it all. He’s the one who draws her husband to himself, in his time, in his way, utterly and completely. And as she allows her husband to discover the claims of Christ for himself, when the time comes that he senses the irresistible grace of God beckoning him, it won’t be just lip service, but a genuine heart change. It’s the way men are. It’s the way God works.