Whew. Really? I have to figure out WHY I do the things I do? I was praying this morning and felt the Lord asked me to dig deeper. Why do I make some of the choices I make, and most of all, why do I react in certain ways?
Ouch. Do I have to, Lord? Can’t I just pray and ask you to cover my actions and bless my choices? No? Seriously, no? Sigh. OK.
So here’s the first motive that He asked me to look at. The need to be in control.
Are you wincing yet? I am. Typing it gave me the heebie-jeebies. Especially since my husband has gently pointed this out in the past—he thinks I NEED to be in control. No I don’t. Really. He just thinks I do.
Well. Maybe not.
OK, I’ll admit it. I like my world to be well ordered, running smoothly, and YES—at times I think my way is the best way. Who doesn’t! But if I’m not careful that attitude can hurt those that I love. Gentleness and meekness go a long way.
Uh-oh…know what thought popped into my head just now? Being real and honest here. If I’m gentle and meek at the right time, in the right way, I’ll bet it would help convince ‘them’ that my way is the best.
Yikes! Did I really think that? Yeah. I did.
So…next time let’s talk about hidden agendas and manipulation. Not sure I want to go there, but I hope you’ll chime in and help me, so I won’t feel all alone.
A friend sent me a journal entry to read today, as she wanted honest feedback. I read it and choked back tears at the raw honesty poured out on the page. God has been prompting her to dig deep. To go beyond the surface in her relationship with Him and interaction with people, and she took it seriously.
I’m not sure I can be that vulnerable, but I’m willing to try. Looking at ourselves is tough in the best of times, but digging deep, discovering WHY we do certain things, checking our motives—well, let’s just say it’s oftentimes easier to sidestep those areas.
In the next few posts I’m going to share a few thoughts on what makes me tick, and I invite you to do the same. They won’t be long or even very sophisticated, but I promise to keep it real. If anything I write resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Maybe I’m the only one who struggles with being real, but I’m guessing that’s not the case.
The book I’m writing has made me dig deeper. I’m dealing with the issue of a difficult mother/daughter relationship. The daughter is grown, the mother is aging, and Mama comes to live with her daughter. Sometimes the closest family connections can bring out the best—or the worst in us. At the very least they can cause us to look more deeply into who we are and why we act the way that we do.
So I invite you to come along on the ride if you dare. More in a few days…..